As children, we had very little power. We couldn’t leave. We couldn’t protect ourselves. We couldn’t change the adults around us. What we could do was learn to anticipate moods, avoid upsetting people, and minimize the likelihood of punishment.
We learned that even minor mistakes—or things that weren’t mistakes at all—could trigger anger, rejection, humiliation, withdrawal, or abuse. Over time, our nervous systems became highly attuned to danger.
So we adapted.
